Reviewing Life Changes and Goals

In life there are lots of twists and turns that lead to new paths and goals. At this point in my life I'm squarely into middle age and have watched how my goals and dreams have changed over the last 7 or 8 years. Friends are important, lifestyle is important, giving back to the community is important and my career is important. Some things that you once thought were sooo important sort of aren't anymore.

When we are really young we desire to fit in and have people like us. We create these social networks and find a place in society. As we age our relationships with people change and we begin to pick our friends more wisely.

Children come and get older and then we are left with ourselves. If we have great friends then we are doing well. If we have great health we are excellent! Throw some meaningful work into the mix and one doesn't have much to complain about at all!

Age also brings wisdom and the awareness that we may never truly achieve all of the goals we want. Most of the goals I wanted to accomplish, the ones that were important enough to sustain effort, were accomplished in one form or another.

Wisdom also starts to leak in and we find that new meanings from life must be drawn. This provides us an opportunity to grow and develop as a person. Some never change their goals beyond their own daily interests. Others can balance simplicity with cognitive complexity and a sense of wonderment at the world.

What every your goals are take some time to think about what you really like and don't like. Look to your past and look to those things that bring you a sense of pride and happiness.

Girls Soccer Club at Orphanage Needs Uniforms

The girls soccer team at the Ranchos De Ninos orphanage are in need of matching uniforms to replace their tattered t-shirts. Most of their competitors are well funded and have significant advantages not only in equipment but also in style. We would like to get them into presentable state by having matching jerseys. For a sense of pride the team can actually look like a formidable opponent. The price of obtaining these products in Mexico is much cheaper than other places (Give or take $160). 

If you are interested in helping this orphanage you can donate through the following sites. If you are in the San Diego area and want to personally get involved let me know and I'll connect you to the right people. 

Corazon de Vida: You can donate to the general fund of a supporting organization called Corazon de Vida. I have met with some of the senior staff and set up a fundraising page to draw more more interest in helping the kids  https://www.classy.org/fundraiser/1984592.

PayPal:You can send me money directly to my PayPal and I will give to the director. Please don't donate a lot of money to me directly (uniforms only). I can help you connect with the right person for that. I'm just helping with a small project here so it is charity oriented. You can find me on PayPal via muradabel@gmail.com and 619-540-0501.

Direct to Orphanage: You may also contribute directly to the orphanage website. The Corazon de Vida site and the orphanage site are general funds. So where you donate will depend on your specific interests. If you desire to go only for uniforms you may want to send that to me...if you want it to go to the orphanage in general I would send to the fundraising sites. http://www.rdln.org (The site doesn't appear to be working at the moment). 

I went down this past week to work with the kids and drop them some supplies for the holidays. Of course I brought my dog Chewy and the kids loved him! This orphanage has a few dogs and while they are very friendly they also are not trusting of outside dogs. Packs need to adjust and change to one another. The kids did a great job protecting him from overly curious potential pack mates! 😆

Some of the things that are going on at the orphanage include trying to utilize vacant land next door and sell grapes to wine making institutions. I suggested something similar and it seems they liked it. We will see how it turns out. Its not a bad idea considering they are in wine country and the land is fallow. Personally, I like the idea of just leasing it to an organic farmer if they aren't using it. 

What Makes an Advertisement Worth Our Time?

Entertainment and information are the primary two reasons why consumers click on certain online advertisements. As we use online media with a voracious appetite we will be bombarded with advertisements from every corner of our screen. Most we block out and skip over as we browse. Every once in a while something will catch the corner of our eye. Slowly but surely we switch our conscious focus from the topic of the day to the advertisement. We forced our brains to detach from its current thinking, switch modes and pay attention to something else. Only advertisements that are seen as worthwhile will have the ability to do that!

According to research on reference groups media sources that are both entertaining and informative are seen as having consumer value (Mahmud, Shareef, and Nripendra, 2017). Associative, Aspirational, and Market Generated reference groups were analyzed online to see what which were of highest value.

Associative reference group: A non-referral reference group that act as market mavens and opinion leadership.

Aspirational reference group: A reference group we would like to follow.

Market-generated group: A viral marketing campaign put in place by professionals.

The study was exploratory by nature and used the theoretical framework advertising value model. What the study does tell us is that people trust sources that are more organically driven and are not necessarily "pitches". When we engage them through with something entertaining we can also then provide them new information.

That is really cool! You engage consumers attention and then move into providing them important information that reaches a conclusion. Advertising success comes through well thought out marketing campaigns that are specifically focused on your target market. If you don't know what your target market likes and wants then you don't really have a pin point gauge of your marketing campaigns.

This is what we learn from such research:

1. Create entertaining ads that at least first focus on gathering consumer attention. This may be putting eye grabbing content in the beginning and then more information infused throughout the ad and toward the end.

2. There must be relevant information provided to the consumer that makes their continued interest worth their time.

3. In the online world the type of person who is spreading and sharing the content determines its perceived value. Thus, creating advertisement that is "cool" and interesting makes a difference in who spreads it and why they do so.

4. Consider infusing your informational content with your entertaining story (i.e. content and story line convergence).

Mahmud, A., Shareef, B. and Nripendra, P. (2017). Social media marketing: comparative effect of advertisement sources. Journal of Retailing and Consumer Services, 46. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.jretconser.2017.11.001

The information was provided by Abel Business Consulting, LLC

Sibling to Sibling Aggression is a Sign of Bigger Problems-A3

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Adult Bullying usually starts in early childhood and can continue throughout life without behavioral adjustments. You can see the earliest signs in adolescents with rude or aggressive behavior toward younger or weaker siblings. A unique mix of genetic background and environmental factors interplay to create a problem that may never have manifested. A single traumatic event can start the dysfunctional thinking pattern. In other words, a temporary frustration becomes a life long dysfunctional pattern. The end result is aggressive sibling behavior into adulthood that breaks apart families and causes unnecessary conflicts. The hitting and kicking may end but the ostracizing and name calling continue in its more sociably acceptable form.

Professor Dirks from the McGill University's Department of Psychology found that hitting, calling names and leaving siblings out of games is a form of aggression in children and when it occurs regularly is a sign of more serious emotional and behavior problems (Medical Press, 2019). The emotional problems of the child become the root of their aggression towards others throughout much of their lives.

It doesn't always change when we get older. Adult bullies are following many of the same emotionally learned behaviors from childhood. Limits on that behavior are small and only on what they can get in trouble for. Their environment, parents and predispositions worked together to create a destructive personality. It is hard for bullies to tap into their deep seated fears and emotions to conquer their tendencies. Often they have no prior parental models to rely on.

Behaviors Are Apparent to Others Outside the Dysfunctional Family

Let us go back to our previous example of Cindy. Cindy showed signs of inappropriate aggression as a child. Strangers, on more than one occasion, confronted the parents and encouraged them to teach their child not to attack others through comments, pushing, and general mean behavior. The parents were not happy to have a "noisy outsider" come in and tell them what to do. Those from outside the family unit had a more appropriate reference.

One could also leave for a long period of time, change, and grow and come back and now recognize the behaviors that once seemed appropriate as dysfunctional. They left the group and how they perceived their world to formulate a new understand of acceptable boundaries. Getting away made all the difference in the end allowed for more understanding but further conflict as boundaries are enforced.

Parents Modeled Such Behavior

Sometimes parents modeled such behavior through their own lack of emotional awareness and their constant arguing and fighting. As the stress level rises for both siblings, who are in their formative years, they take on new personality traits. They begin to model the parents behavior. The older one gets more aggressive and the younger one gets more shy. They create a new trajectory of development based on the paths the parents set. They are not fully themselves until later in life.

The formative years are important for developing personality. Poor parental behaviors leads to a cycle of poor behavior as adults. Abused children sometimes abuse others. They may abuse their siblings or abuse their own children. They learned to hate because of their own personal pain. Frustration puts them over the top. To overcome this one must delve deep into the causes and go through a period of growth.

Psychological Scars Last a Long Time

The psychological scars of bullying last a life time. If a child is raised in this environment he/she will struggle to see the world in a way that "normally" raised children will see it. The psychological scars can cause social difficulties, anxiety, depression, internalization symptoms, suicide and eating disorders (Sansone & Sansone, 2008). Many times the victims don't even know that they have an issue.

Because these are so deeply rooted they are not easy to fix. A few of the exceptionally strong are capable of overcoming the pain and draw strength from it. Others simply just get buried in their pain and destroy their own lives. Those that overcome have few to no matches of personal strength because it is they who had to view a new world. Most normally raised children never had to struggle to that level. There is truth to strength through pain.

You can support different types of organizations if you liked this article. Perhaps you can donate a few dollars to their cause. While I try and highlight an organization with each article.  National Abuse Coalition https://nationalchildabusecoalition.org/

Helping Orphanages  through Coranzon De Vida: This organization supports 10 orphanages with small children. I have visited a few of these orphanages and seen these kids.  They provide for medical care, food, and much more. This is organization should have corporate support but even as little as $5 helps. https://www.classy.org/fundraiser/1984592

Medical Press, (2019). Sibling rivalry: When the fighting crosses the line. Retrieved https://medicalxpress.com/news/2018-10-sibling-rivalry-line.html

Sansone, R. A. and Sansoon, L. A. (2008). Bully victims: psychological and somatic aftermaths. Psychiatry, 5 (6). https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC2695751/

If you want to Read the First Article which leads back to the other articles please follow the link Why You Should Encourage Bullies to Get Help? Life Long Disruption