Bullies Spread Rumors to Gain Flying Monkey Supporters (Proxies)-A2

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Bullies are a menace to the people they create conflicts with but it is us as a society that have tolerated them. Without a supportive network of people bullies are just plain "angry, disgruntled people" who don't know how to engage in appropriate conflict management. They are sort of just...well.....inconsequential! Add a network of people and the bully turns into a little "Hitler" running around and punishing those who shake their false sense of security.

I'm spending some time raising awareness of bullies and their devastating impact on communities, people, and victims. I will also post a link to an organization that you can volunteer and support if you desire. Stopping bullying requires people to raise the standard of behavior and discouraging poor behavior. Unfortunately, the sad reality is that far to often such behavior is consider fun, exciting, and gossipy which allows such behavior to continue.

This makes such organization such as the National Bullying Prevention Center so important. https://www.pacer.org/bullying/getinvolved/partners/national.asp They not only try and prevent bullying they also advocate for victims of bullying. We have such organizations because we as a people have not yet taken responsibility for ourselves!

Cindy as an Example of Toxic Behavior That Leads to Group Aggression

Let me give you a hypothetical but also for some people a very real example before we move into the motivations and reasons. Proxy, or flying monkeys, are a term used to describe people who act on behalf of an abuser. It actually comes from the flying monkeys in the Wizard of Oz that worked on the behalf of the witch. Cindy seems like a normal person but hides some deeper secrets that have happened to her and actions she has done to others. She tries to gain supporters in her abuse so she can control and manipulate a person into silence.

Cindy starts by making negative comments about the target and seeing who is supportive or indifferent to her beliefs. Its starts small but over many months others start to listen. She begins to weave a web in the truest sense of social psychological manipulation by trying to create a wedge between the target victim and potential supporters. She gets others emotional involved by highlighting differences and making up stories to encourage others to lie, snub, attack or hurt the victim.

In this case Cindy is has so little boundaries for the victim that she gets her husband, kids, siblings or anyone else she can involved. Vaknin 2010 believes such flying monkeys can be....

1. Friends & Family
2. Associates
3. Authority Figures

She turns normally reasonable people into co-conspirators in the abuse. Almost none of them have the capacity to step above the rhetoric to see that perhaps it is they who are now guilty of the same behaviors. As they begin to act on the victim they also blame the victim for defending him/herself. This is where things can begin to escalate without taking direct action. The reaction of the victim now becomes a reason for more abuse because the context has been distorted. Even shielding one's kids from potential abuse, or setting up appropriate boundaries can misconstrued as another reason to show more aggression.

Cindy doesn't have normal constraints on her behavior and without being discouraged by her social group can turn into hate crimes, violence, and criminal activity (Think of Nazi Germany, Gangs, Radicalism, and other activities that lead to victimization of others). The victim may not be at fault for anything Cindy says, but no one from her social circle cares. Flying monkeys are more concerned about maintaining their social networks than being responsible adults. Mature people use their critical thinking skills to determine that such aggression is not appropriate. Proxies don't often have the moral backbone to avoid getting sucked into the drama that makes abuse possible (i.e. there were only a few people in Nazi Germany that protected Jews).

According to psychologist George K. Simon manipulation of others occurs when...

1. There is a form of social aggression to damage and ostracize a person. 

2. A chance to exploit others vulnerabilities. 

3. Enough ruthlessness to cause others harm.

Bully Motivations to Find Proxy Help in Abuse

1. Rumors to Manipulate and Proxy Others: Add a word, take a word, share only part of the information, expand things, tell people "juicy" information nuggets that get them upset. Rumors and lies are designed to do damage and are a form of aggression. Bullies spread rumors to get people to "gang" up on someone and punish them for perceived wrong doings. The actual wrong doings may have nothing to do with what the bully says. The inflammatory and often delusional stories are designed to excite and anger others to get them to act. 

2. Covers Feelings of Powerlessness: Bullies feel powerless. Somewhere in their life they were left damaged and traumatized. Lying, bullying, and manipulating others seeks to create a sense of power. That power comes from influencing others through manufactured crisis. You can tell the passive-aggressive powerlessness by watching how they have made a habit talking negatively about others. There is constant comparisons. Its a pattern of feeling powerless and then trying to control others through anti-social behavior (clinical definition).

3. It Lowers Feelings of Guilt: When you have friends and people agree with you, even if they were provided with lies, you don't feel as guilty. The inner turmoil the bully feels is mitigated by their support network who doesn't question the logic being offered. Most of us know from experience that people just sort of agree with us if we don't give all of the information or are not making it explicitly clear that we want "honest" feedback. Thus our friends and family members help us feel as though we are "right" thereby reducing the cognitive dissonance associated with guilt.

4. Groups Take Less Responsibility: We have all watched shocking videos on YouTube, News, or the Web where groups have brutalized someone; even killing victims in plain sight. Sometimes that person has done nothing wrong except try and avoid being in a conflict. If you are a police officer, or sheriff, much of their job is dealing with issues related to the inability of people to take responsibility. Even criminals that have been convicted through evidence and a court of law scream it wasn't their fault all the way to prison! The more people a bully can get involved, the more damage they cause and the less responsibility the bully takes. Sometimes groups become so destructive they openly attack people in public in front of a crowd of bystanders.

5. It Hides Painful Secrets: Bullies are all about hiding their pain. Bullying is a form of aggression based on trauma. This is one of the reasons why aggression is so pathological. As the bully projects onto a target, he/she takes the spotlight off of themselves and puts it on the victim. The bully no longer needs to deal with their issues because the target is forced to take responsibility for them. This is one reason why much of what bullies say are more a reflection of the bully's issues. Targets are not chosen randomly. Usually they are people the bully envies and often are intelligent, sensitive, and caring.

6.) Bullies Need Validation: Bullies need validation that they are important. Somewhere in their life they were made to feel unwanted. This is the tragedy that bullying creates more bullies. Their boundaries were often violated by parents, uncles, and others. When they get people to support their behavior they feel a sense of validation that they are important. Attacking others puts them somewhere above the victim. Proxies help validate the "worthiness" of the bully and the "worthlessness" of the victim.

Vaknin S (2010) Abuse By Proxy: From Smear Campaigns to 3rd-party Stalking and Abuse

Simon, George K (1996). In Sheep's Clothing: Understanding and Dealing with Manipulative People. ISBN 978-1-935166-30-6.

Why You Should Encourage Bullies to Get Help? Life Long Disruption A1

Focus on Solving Customer Problems For More Sales

Your customer should be your #1 priority! Selling isn't so much about making a sale as it is about helping your clients achieve their goals. Your job is to fulfill those needs and entice them with solutions a way that motivates them to seek more information. If you focus on the customer's goals, needs, and problems you are going to improve your sales through providing greater value.

Customers Are Goal Directed

Customers don't often just walk into a store randomly. Most customers having something in mind when they are shopping. These ideas many not be fully formed such as "looking for a great deal" but could include "I want socks on sale but will consider other items as well".

Understanding what the customer is looking for helps in directing them to things they may want. Sometimes it is beneficial to just ask what they are looking for while at others times you should intuitively understand and help them form an opinion of what they want.


Customers Have Needs and Wants

Customers also have needs and wants beyond their goals. Most of the time they may not even be aware of those needs. For example, a customer may want to fit in and be appreciated and therefore buys certain status symbols that help feel positive about their self-image.

Sometimes it isn't always apparent what those needs are. You sort of have to listen, watch, look at evaluate their clothing, see how they act, and get a "feel" for who they are. We often can pick up on these needs when we are more in tune with the subconscious signals they are giving.

Stay Focused on The Customer

Your here to serve your customers and not yourself! As soon as your customer gets a whiff your trying to sell to them then they are gone! Make sure you always relate to their needs and solve their problems. Focus on what they want and keep the conversation moving in the right direction.

Marketing help that will put your business on the next level! http://abelbusinessconsulting.com

Water Helps You Lose Weight

I didn't know just drinking more water will help me lose weight but apparently that is true! I'm not talking only about burning calories by swimming but also drinking! Something as simple as drinking water helps you get into better shape and get rid of that layer of fat. Last night I was talking with a soon to be doctor that is also heavily into fitness. I talked about that layer of fat that I can't get rid of around of my stomach and she said drink more water because.....

Water is an Appetite Suppressant- A natural suppressant of appetite when you have sufficient water in your stomach. Have some water a little before you eat.

Water Burns Calories-Water will actually burn calories as it metabolizes fat.

Water to Remove Waste-As your body gets sore it needs to remove toxins. Water will flush your body.

Water Weight Removed-Too little water forces your body to retain what it got.

How to Use Guerrilla Marketing to Increase Sales Revenue

Mastering Guerrilla marketing can make all the difference in whether or not you gain a new client or you don't!. The term indicates some type of combat attack on clients occurs which doesn't really do the process any justice. It more accurately entails using multiple methods of reaching a client through uniqueness. You don't just introduce them once, you introduce them multiple ways with something that doesn't cost much and is personalized to them.

You can create a guerrilla marketing process that you can operate with potential customers. The type of business you run will determine precisely how you want to do this. Creating a plan on how you are going to guerrilla market to your customers can create the highest impact.

Here is a great generic process.....

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1. Introduction and elevator speech.

2. Follow Up

3. Send them a personalized email

4. Offer them something unique to their business.

That is a process but you also need to do something unique that attracts them. So think about how each of these sections can be slightly adjusted to make it more memorable. For example, if you are sending them something unique, offering a special discount, or be willing to go above and beyond.

Make each point of interaction catered, fun and special. If you want business owners to take the time to look at what you are offering then you should keep them engaged through positive and fun interaction.

How to Keep in Contact With Customers?

If you are a small business you can't always afford those expensive customer relationship management systems (CRM) the big companies use. More than ever you need to stay in close contact with your customers as you know small business thrives on its relationships. Without some type of database system you are unlikely to remember all the details that allow you to maximize your sales. I like to use Excel to create a customer spreadsheet and then ensure I am maintaining my relationships.

1. Excel: Put in demographic columns for name, phone, email, etc... Make sure you put in a column or two that discusses contacts and conversations.

2. Keep it Maintained: If you are selling services or pricy products you will want to keep this sheet up-to-date with sales, conversations, likes/dislikes, etc...

3. Follow-Up After the Sale: Follow-up with sale and ensure the customer is still happy. An unhappy customers won't come back!

4. Reach Out from Time-to-Time: If you want to establish a relationship you will need to check in on customers from time to time.

Dog Grooming-Look at the Price! How to Save?

It is tough to imagine the cost of dog grooming. In Michigan it is $20 and in California it is $60. Considering a men's haircut cost $20 it is 2 x the price. Pooches are big business!

Personally, I like my dog clean. I usually wash him myself and try and take care of what I can on my own. Yet sometimes this can get difficult if the dogs hair gets matted. A few ideas on saving are....

-Cut yourself every other time. $35 for a descent cheap electric razor.
-Brush your dogs hair regularly.
-Instead of a full cut get one short and one clean up which is cheaper.
-Look for people on other sites that work from home. They are also cheaper.
-Wash and clean regularly to extend grooming time.

Eat Small and Integrate Workouts For Maximum Health

There is a trick to getting in shape but don't share it! Shhhhhhh! To get in shape one must eat in smaller portions and integrate workouts throughout your day. That means smaller and more frequent meals with less calories. You might want to add more protein. Of course all of this is useless unless you have a fitness oriented lifestyle! Add as much fitness activities and options as you can!

Eat Small: While calorie reduction is often the key for most people so is the portion size. Each smaller more frequent means. Know what your eating and don't just eat because your hungry. Get some healthy snacks and leave them around so you can easily grab them.

Integrate Your Workout: Go to the gym in the morning but don't forget about the rest of the day. If you have a lunch break eat a quick bite and go for a speed walk some days. Take the stair case or do some yoga in next to your desk.

Is a False Perception Holding You Back as a Successful Executive? Looking Glass Self Theory

One of the biggest obstacles that hold executives back from success is themselves! You would think all executives are confident but that isn't necessarily true; they are human like the rest of us. When executives lack confidence they may have a difficult time pulling ahead and could even be inadvertently self-sabotaging their own successes. To truly unlock your potential you will want to review your true and false self through the Looking Glass Self Theory.

Executives often hold themselves back!

Started in 1902 by Charles Horton Cooley the theory states that how our identities are formed are through the eyes of other people (Lumen).  This means that we only understand ourselves when we interact with other people. It is this interaction that helps us form our first identities.

The very beginning of our lives is formed through our first contacts which include sisters, brothers, mothers, fathers and close relatives. If you have a positive first experience you will be healthier than if you were traumatized. Likewise, if your family worked in skilled labor much of your identity might be tied to this.

How we are viewed impacts how people interact with us and the feedback they give us. While many times this is accurate it is also possible that the information is not accurate or you have the wrong impression of yourself.

Lets look at an example. Tom is a creative and intelligence executive but views himself as not worthy of his successes. He may end up self-sabotaging by missing deadlines, making dumb mistakes, and cutting corners. As an executive he is slowly putting nails in his coffin.

The problem is that Tom has the skills but doesn't believe he has the skills. To free himself he must evaluate his beginnings and understand how he formed his primary identity. That identity was carried forward throughout his life and impacted almost everything else. The information presented to Tom may have been inaccurate and if he comes to understand that Tom could be very successful.

How to Look Through Your Own Glass?

1.) Understand that your early experiences often formulate your identity.

2.) Understand that certain life events impact how you view yourself.

3.) If you begin to take a more objective view of yourself you may have a different impression.

4.) The difference between those who are successful and those who are not is confidence.

5.) Find your core identity and skills. Relate to people on that level.

6.) Never let anyone tell you who you are without evaluating whether they are accurate or have certain motivations they are struggling with.

National Debt Reaches 22 Trillion Dollars Forcing Future Concessions

The national debt is rising at an alarming rate and is likely to be part of growing concerns about what will happen to our economy in the future. Out of control spending with little fiscal control is part of the problem! We must find a way to reverse course and build a strong economy while reducing debt. Moving through this mess means improving economic synergy found through innovation. Income must rise more than debt and this requires increased transaction speed between businesses that leads to more products/services that the market is willing to pay for.

Without quick change we may run the problem where programs will have draconian cuts that leave people unable to adapt quick enough. Likewise, high debt increases risks to the U.S. economic and military position if there is not enough resource cushion.

Using Desktop for Instagram App to Market Your Business

Instagram is a great resources for marketing purposes. A single picture might create enough buzz to put a business on the "map". The social sharing site works well with cell phones because the community is focused on spreading thoughts and ideas (the very essence of a community). People who want to edit their marketing pictures before sending them may be at a loss. The Desktop for Instagram App makes it very easy to post these pictures from your computer.

There is a way to upload pictures to Instagram from your desktop without using this free software. I tried it and wasted about an hour and never got it to work. Perhaps there was a difference in the technologies being used.

Companies use Instagram for marketing purposes by uploading pictures and other content people may find useful. With a billion monthly users (Statista) it makes sense for companies to start using this platform.

One of the advantages is that most of the young people are already using this system and Instagram offers an excellent way to keep in touch. Even if you are a local business many young people may follow you anyway. When you have a sale or event to post go ahead and create a flyer and upload.

One of the reasons why the Desktop for Instagram App is handy is that you can edit your pictures before uploading. Cell phones don't often have this capacity and don't have the most powerful editing program. Your desktop makes it possible to post a picture from your hard drive.