Sunday, October 18, 2020

People Have a Hard Time Seeing Past Problems-Think to Resolution!

People with problems are often consumed and overwhelmed with those problems. It bothers them, takes up their time and soaks up huge aspects of their life. When these problems are really big they influence just about everything in their lives. I raised two boys, went to school full time and worked, dealt with income/loss, and every other aspect of the game of life. I'm not immune to life's problems. Over the years I developed a strategy that helps me put current actions in alignment with future vision in a way that leads to higher outcomes. 

That is right...focusing on what a resolution looks like helps to keep everything else in perspective. It also helps us see past our problems to constructive resolution.  

We are often consumed by the here and now and it blinds us to what is more important and that is how the problems get resolved. I'm going to use a friend as an example here. Due to her previous marriage and relationship her and her ex husband owe the IRS money and she struggles with balancing her bills. The bills are more of the symptom of an internal need that impacts choice.

Of course most of us struggled with money at one point or another. It doesn't matter if you are rich or poor. When your rich you just deal with big numbers. Many who we considered rich are more rich in debt then they the show us. Debt is a hedge to the future and when you are not able to produce now to cover your expenditures you have a problem. Money isn't the issue...its what causes those choices is the issue.

Continuing on...this person has a hard time seeing how her behavior compounds her problems. She needs to feel special because of her poor background (completely normal belief from that background) That need impacts the status symbols she buys and the need to look as though she is doing very well. Such beliefs impact everything in her life from her purchases to her dating choices. It is hard to choose against an item that temporarily alleviates the felling of "less than".

It relates to something called neuroeconomics. Neuroeconomics helps to explain how purchasing behaviors are choices deeply embedded in the subconscious decision-making matrices. Most of us are not able to see how our deeply embedded perceptions of self in a wider world impact our choices long before they actual make a conscious choice.

Most of us carry these childhood beliefs into adulthood and then relive them over and over without critical review. The problem is more concerning when people are destructive because they lack this self-awareness. If you were ever on the receiving end of hate based behaviors you know how deep seated these beliefs actually are (Hate based behaviors are deep and boundaries are unimportant to internal psychological traits and cravings.)

Almost no insight into how their need to feel special and "worthy" impacted choices over money, children, life, hate and bigotry were deeply rooted in feelings of loss and abandonment. That unconscious assumption played out in how they deal with others who are different or who challenge their assumptions about life. Whether we are talking about buying habits and/or in-out group dynamics most of us have little clue why we do what we do (The notion that most behavior is unconscious and out of our awareness). 

Self-awareness rises over our lives if we pay attention to that little voice that says we should understand before we judge. What we see isn't always what is actually happening. We have to understand the situation based on logic and the deeper emotional mechanics of the actors involved. Perhaps the one who everyone likes to blame (i.e. the scapegoat) is the one who wants the most helpful positive outcome that leads to greater awareness of why such behaviors occurred in the first place (Getting through the psychological barriers). 

Looking out a year after resolution is the eventual goal. It won't always work out that way but having a longer term goal does help to minimize the fog of emotions when engaged in conflict. It provides a reference outside of the situation that leads to better decision making in the chaotic situation. To reach those goals one must enact steps and it is those steps that become action behaviors. Thinking beyond the crisis means aligning present action to future outcomes. Seeing past yourself and past your needs leads to higher levels of decision making. First responders can envision the outcome during a crisis to make decisions and people can do the same for business or their personal lives. The mechanics are the same. 

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