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Thursday, May 21, 2020

Traps of the Mind-When Hate Has No Self-Reflection-Spring the Trap

Hate isn't rational on its own and is based in deeper misconceptions, guidance and fear of self and the world. Rational and irrational behavior is often defined in intended goals and the logic that would reasonably achieve those goals. Hate is an irrationality based not in intent but in lack of true objective. While the intent to harm and the methods of doing so may be rational the deeper reason of why is often irrational. Thus the strategy of hate won't actually alleviate the discomfort of deep feelings of inadequacy.

Let me give you an example. Lets say you hate someone because they told you "no", have different beliefs (cultural, religious, political, etc...), or perhaps look in some way different than you (Different race, tall, skinny, heavy, ugly, etc...). When people experience rage because of frustration it has little or nothing to do with that person unless they have caused you intentional harm. If you are not under that pressure then hate is irrational and not based in the target...it is based in you!

A trap of the mind occurs when none-reflective heuristic thinking defaults back to the same rudimentary assumption.

I have a problem with someone....snap!......something is wrong with them!

I lost my job......snap!......it was THOSE people!

We have an argument.......snap!.....your line of thinking is wrong!

Snap!  Snap! Snap! The one person they never looked at was themselves! They did not gain self-reflective insight nor were they rationally able to solve their feelings of inadequacy.

Those assumptions are based typically in misconceptions and pain from childhood. Sometimes traumatic life events occur but in many cases people don't know they are living by those traumas. We see it all the time with people who "hate the other" and prescribe to them characteristics they did not observe in the person.

The worst part about it is that they carry this dysfunctional thinking throughout their lives and encourage others to believe in the delusional narrative until they are forced to self-reflect on their behavior; one of the reasons why hate is often a group issue. Some people learned bad values but can change and adjust those values with additional learning. True dysfunction occurs when people can't learn their way out of a situation and become destructive to others.

There may be people who simply need to stop being lazy and work through the logic the other person is using in a non-biased way but that typically isn't the case for people who are truly destructive. When a normal person is being cognitively lazy they will stop themselves from being overly destructive because they will raise the stress and risk to themselves in terms of conflict, consequences, etc....

However, when a person is stuck in a "trap of the mind" they are not able to reflect fully on the differences of the way they feel about themselves and what can be honestly described to another. I have seen time again people act on someone for a perceived wrong and then blame them for defending themselves. This becomes increasing justification for further attacks and blame. Self-reflection would have changed everything.

Because people with true aggression cannot jump out of the "trap of the mind" by thinking of alternative explanations their thinking leads them to rage and more destruction. This is why it is important to advocate for better laws that not only give opportunities for self-reform but also ensure that those who are stuck in the trap cannot harm others. They aren't always the people you think they are as they may be friends, shopkeepers, teachers, friends, etc...that only exhibit those behaviors in certain situations; although you can sense the underlining dysfunction in most situations. They may be nice to those who don't challenge their assumptions and rage on those who are different than them because it causes them to question themselves.

I think there are three ways to sort of handle this situation.

1. Politely reach out and give them feedback. Its a light checking of behavior. If they have the capacity to self-reflect sometimes just mentioning they are doing something inappropriate is enough to snap them out of the trap.

2. When that doesn't work they should secure the counseling they need to help them get out of the trap. Perhaps it is just a learned pattern of thinking but with some help they can find an exit path. That could include medication which changes the underlining neural chemical system.

3. If they are bent on being destructive then they must be held accountable. Many narcissists and people stuck in the trap won't get out without serious in depth work. That won't happen because they have hidden from their conscious their pain. Thus they must know that the consequences of such behavior is more than the pleasure of doing others harm.





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