Monday, July 1, 2019

Conflict Style and Steps to Resolution

Conflict is inevitable life. We fight over money, respect, family, politics, etc... Most of these conflicts are unnecessary drama. Sometimes conflict is very necessary as people violate each other boundaries and appear to have little remorse for their behaviors. Sometimes you just have to say "no" when people don't seem to be able to self-check. People should prefer to negotiate then to have conflict. Discussion is the preferred route but sometimes not the chosen path. When you can try to turn sour lemons into lemon pie; do your best to draw positive strength from tough situations.

Lets consider a scenario where one person is violating others boundaries with negative comments, destructive behavior, and aggression acts. It doesn't appear as though the person will gain self-control or be able to stick to facts. You can consider a few options when dealing with this person.

1. Try Ignoring: Let us say in this example a couple of negative comments occur. They don't seem to be directed and more a sign of the immature of the person(s) involved. The comments become more negative, are trying to publicly humiliate you, and getting people involved.

In this case, ignoring might not work because the person doesn't have a healthy respect for others or their rights. You must say something. You can first try checking and questioning the behavior lightly. Most likely that may not work because aggressive people don't often "get it" or care about the impact of their behavior.

2. Draw a Line and Check the Behavior: Telling a bully "no" can have  big consequences. They may start to lie, get people involved, and engage in all types of aggressive actions to control the target. In their mind they think, "Who are they to tell me no". The angrier they get the more aggressive they will get.

3. Seek a Resolution with a Third Party. Having a third party at work, family, or arbitrator seek a resolution. Because the bully doesn't get that their behavior is more a sign of their weakness than the fault of the target they probably won't accept the need for outside intercession. They will continue to shift blame and take no responsibility. At this point you may need to get more legal.

4. Lawsuits and PPO. If the party can't check themselves, accept arbitration or just keep their distance then you may need to sue the parties to ensure they realize there are consequences to aggressive behavior. This could occur if one of the parties is lying, engaging in defamation of character, getting kids involved, etc.... At this point there is no going back and you must realize there is may be no way of rectifying without legal intercession.

5. Get Other Organizations Involved: If the law can't protect you then you will need to seek out advocacy groups that are willing to provide the resources, expertise, and help you protect your boundaries.

Personality has a lot to do with it. People are not always good and nice. Not everyone has a value system that works. It is important to keep your head high but continue to enforce your boundaries. Some people in this world won't stop as their dysfunctional personality doesn't have normal checks and balances.

I'm trying to raise funds for an orphanage. These are children who have been abused and taken away. Everything they have is based on personal donations. I go down to visit them often and bring supplies. PayPal for Donations ( Venmo for Donations (@muradabel). If you feel more comfortable donating to an established non-profit you may do so here

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